It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
