Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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