My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
