We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
