I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
