Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
