i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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