Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
