Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
