Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
