Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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