I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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