He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
