Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
