Jerry, you need to find god
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
