She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
