Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Two words: nipple clamps
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