Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
