I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
