Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
