today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
