i jhust puked up my retainher.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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