i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
