Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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