champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
