For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
