thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
