ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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