My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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