capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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