I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
