I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
