how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
