Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
