why didn't you poke me back
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
