Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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