Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
