i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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