I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
