WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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