fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
