Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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