yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
