you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
