Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
