You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
