Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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