gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
