So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i dont even know how to be here
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
