I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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