Your mouth is God's brothel.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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