I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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