Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
