How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
