Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
