To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
