I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You may now shotgun with the bride
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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